


Accepting Promises

by allimarie_xf



Category: Arrow (TV 2012)
Genre: 6x19, Episode Fix-it, F/M, and apparently I do that now?, and smutty?, unexpectedly serious
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-20
Updated: 2018-04-20
Packaged: 2019-04-25 14:12:29
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,300
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14380317
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/allimarie_xf/pseuds/allimarie_xf
Summary: Oliver's promise to Felicity that he would always come back (episode 6x19, "The Dragon") didn't sit quite right with Felicity. When she wakes up after a vivid dream/memory, she decides to continue the conversation.





	Accepting Promises

_“Where are you going? You can’t go out there in your condition.”_

_“I have to stop this.”_

_“Oliver, Gold left you half-dead, which is 50% better than how he left Detective Hilton.”_

_“Felicity. I don’t have a choice. I’ll come back.”_

_“Promise me.”_

Felicity awoke with a gasp as the dream resurrected the memory with a vivid clarity she almost couldn’t believe. It had been so long since that day - another lifetime, really - when she had extracted that promise from Oliver. 

She lay staring into the darkness and allowed her consciousness to drift back. It was funny, how similar the situation from tonight was to that moment four long years ago. To think that so much had changed, yet at its core her relationship with Oliver was still the same. 

It had been then, in that long moment when her words “promise me” hung heavy between them, that a fundamental truth manifested: acknowledgement that her concern for him was more than casual; that it was profoundly personal. Those two words, spoken by her and unchallenged, ultimately accepted, by him, insisted that she had a personal stake in his well-being. That if something were to happen to him, she would suffer for it. A quiet demand made despite a keen awareness on both sides that he had not tolerated that kind of personal attachment from anyone in a very long time. And, after only the slightest hesitation in his eyes, his willing acquiescence to her demand. Two words: a promise, and an irrevocable shift in their relationship as they silently accepted that they were allowing something undefined to grow between them. 

Her mind drifted in that unfocused, partially-asleep way, and it occurred to Felicity that it wasn’t simple coincidence that Oliver’s words tonight had recalled that moment so completely; if he had merely repeated similar words, she doubted she would be having such an intense case of total recall. But no, it was more than that; it was that his words tonight were a fulfillment of that long-ago request. Back then she had asked him to promise, but, she realized now, at the time she hadn’t received any assurance that he actually _would_ come back. Thinking on it now, she realized he hadn’t been capable of it then. It had been enough that he had not rejected her concern. Her intent, if she was honest, was that her request would cause him to value his life more dearly, if only for the sake of a promise made. But instead, her words had made him stop and consider _whether_ he was worth preserving, which, she knew even then, was something he hadn’t considered seriously for a long time. That he was doing so was enough; that he accepted her concern was more than she had dared hope, so it was enough. 

Of course, the events of the intervening years had firmly established his sense of obligation toward self-preservation for her sake. And slowly, as his sense of self-worth had been restored bit by bit over the years, he had seemed to want to survive for his own sake. But she realized now that he had never actually promised her out loud. 

Finally, tonight, whether he was fully conscious of it or not, he had recognized that she needed it said. That she needed to hear him affirm, once and for all, that he would live. That he didn’t seek death. That when he fought, he truly did fight to live. And not only for her, or for William, but because of them, for himself. Despite everything and everyone he had lost, regardless of what or who he might still lose. 

But he hadn’t quite reassured her. Her post-dream clarity whispered that he had promised, but only almost. Doubt niggled at the fringes of darkness: did he really, truly mean it? Only a week ago he had been so ready to throw his life away. And while the Vertigo had certainly affected his decision-making ability along with his grasp on reality, it scared her to death that it had only taken a dose of drugs to complete that final push toward suicide.

It was almost as though he couldn’t quite accept how much she needed him; how much she loved him. So easily he had believed that she could leave him. So easily he was ready to accept that she could abandon him. 

And tonight he had smiled. She had cried, and he had smiled. Sure, his lightness was an attempt to convince her that things weren’t so dire, that he was unharmed, that she had no cause for such concern. And true, when he spoke her name he had allowed his gaze to settle over her and into her, calming and reassuring, and he had pronounced the words with appropriate gravity: “Felicity. I will always come back.” But when she grabbed his face and kissed him hard, when she had wrapped her arms around him in desperate need of assurance, he had accepted her urgency, but not returned it. And how could he possibly make such a grave promise if he didn’t also feel the desperate gravity of the situation? 

She would not have thought it possible that he could misread her frantic fear for him tonight, but the very fact that he didn’t break down on the spot under the weight of her love proved that he just didn’t get it. It was inconceivable that he could understand the violence of her terror while maintaining an air of casual reassurance. And so he must just not get it. It was, after all, just like Oliver to sell himself short, to read others’ concern for him as passing or misplaced. 

She needed to convince him. Once and for all. Only then could she accept his promise.

* * * * * * * * * *

Felicity rolled on to her side and placed her right hand on Oliver’s chest. “Oliver.” She shook him gently with fingers splayed over his heart. “Oliver, wake up.” She combed her left hand lightly through his hair.

He smiled with a long, indrawn breath and let her name out on a sigh. 

Felicity scooched up enough so she could lean over and brush his nose with hers. “Oliver, I need to tell you something.” She whispered over his lips. “I need you to know.” 

She felt him wake up, though she had her eyes closed. “Felicity, what is it?” His hand moved to her head, through her hair. After a moment of caressing, he urged her to lift up enough so he could see her face.

“I need you to know. My greatest fear in life is losing you.”

Oliver’s breath caught as the words landed home in his memory, jolting him fully awake. The closest thing to a wedding vow she had spoken. A confession that hit him like a gut punch, eliciting a primal response. In November, the declaration had prompted the “yes” that had been hovering on his tongue for years. “I know, Felicity. I know, and I love you.”

“No, Oliver.” She moved her hands up to anchor his face. “My greatest. Fear. Is losing _you._ ” In the midnight light, her eyes begged him to understand. 

Oliver looked at her steadily, sensing that she was trying to communicate something beyond his grasp, realizing that this was a continuation of their conversation from earlier.

“Oliver,” she whispered intently. “Do you remember when we met Barry, when he learned you were the Arrow, when you were hallucinating beautiful island girls?”

Oliver managed not to smile at that. “Yeah…” 

Felicity saw that he didn’t understand where she was going. “When you were hallucinating, and you had that fight with fake-Slade, and Quentin’s partner had just been murdered by Cyrus Gold, and still you refused to -” Even in the dim, she saw the memory register in his eyes.

“And you asked me to be careful.” His gaze flicked away to focus on the distant past for an extended moment. “No.” The same blue eyes from that day met hers again. “You asked me to come back. To you. To promise.”

Felicity nodded once. “Promise me.” And just like she had so long ago, she glanced down at his lips, needing more than just to see him shape the words.

Oliver’s gaze also shifted to her mouth as she leaned closer to him almost imperceptibly. He remembered the sudden forceful realization - as surprising as turning around to find someone standing incredibly close to you, and after all maybe that was exactly what _had_ happened. The realization that she cared. About what happened to _him_. And not out of habitual empathy. Not out of pity or a need to save him from himself; she saw all the shattered pieces of _him_ and still she felt he was worth preserving. He was struck again, as if it were the first time, with awe and gratitude that someone like her could care for him. That she could love him. He leaned up and closed the small distance between their lips, because just as he couldn’t do so back then, he couldn’t not, now.

Felicity watched the memory play out in his expression, saw the exact same wonder and acceptance look back at her, and she moved to press her lips against his at the same moment he did. “Yes,” she murmured against his reverent kiss. She rubbed her mouth lightly against his full lips, over and over, wishing she could physically reach back through the years and show him this moment, replace his disbelieving surprise with an unwavering acceptance of her most profound truth. “I love you. I loved you then. I need you. I needed you then.” Lightly, she sucked his bottom lip, inviting him to open to her. 

Oliver lay under her, absorbing her love, letting it soak into all his dark corners, and he realized he hadn’t known how much he needed this. Felicity. Just Felicity. She would always be enough, but he would never get enough of her. He ran his hands up her body as he opened his mouth and accepted her kiss.

Felicity lifted up and threw her right leg over Oliver’s hips, settling all her weight lengthwise along his body. She allowed them both a moment to savor the sense of completeness that always sang out along their points of physical contact. To emphasize the connection, she wiggled her hips a little, calling specific attention to the way the bulge of his erection fit perfectly between her legs. Unsurprisingly, a thrill of desire shot through her and she saw its echo in Oliver’s darkened gaze. 

But this was not about that. Or rather, it wasn’t _only_ about that, and she hadn’t yet achieved her original objective. She pulled back enough to pin him with serious eyes. “Always. I need you, always.” She couldn’t resist driving the point with a deliberate grind of her hips. 

Oliver’s gasp escaped already-parted lips, and he nodded at her with rapt attention. He knew her well enough to know that now was not the time for simple, lustful abandon. 

Slowly, without ever letting him look away, Felicity lifted herself up enough to remove her navy panties. Once the silky scrap had been discarded, she deliberately removed his boxer-briefs, not needing to look, her fingers having long since memorized the way his body filled out his clothing. 

Oliver assisted her automatically by raising his hips and his legs when necessary, but he never broke their gaze, not even to close his eyes when she fit herself over his cock and sank down, letting him fill her so that their connection was complete. His breath caught when she shifted slightly, but other than that he held his silence, waiting for her to speak. 

Felicity leaned forward again to frame his face with her hands. “Promise me,” she whispered again. Like she had so long ago, she searched his eyes for assurance. “Promise me that you will always come back.” 

Oliver opened his mouth to speak, but she stopped him with a jerk of her head. His eyes hadn’t made the promise, and she refused to hear anything less from his lips. Instead, she lifted herself slowly along the length of his erection, pausing when just the head remained inside her. He exhaled suddenly and then took a short, gasping breath, all his attention focused on two points of contact: eyes and sex. 

“Promise me I’m not going to lose you.” She chose the words purposefully, hoping he’d catch the reference, hoping he’d recognize just how many times in the past they’d had this conversation, hoping he’d realize that even with all those exchanges, he had never fully committed to the pledge. 

This time Oliver knew better than to try to answer, and instead he listened for the words she didn’t say as she fucked him, slowly and deliberately. His breath hitched in his chest as she drove each point home, her fingers straying along his jaw, venturing into his hair, smoothing down his cheeks, whispering over his lips. He kept his hands loosely at her hips, not wanting to interrupt her argument. 

She leaned down and brushed her lips along his jaw, pausing when they hovered centimeters from his ear. “Just the thought of losing you...destroys me.” She looked back into his face, forcing him to read her devastation at the thought. 

“Felicity….” He wanted to silence her. To prevent her from showing him. Because he knew, really. He knew, but he didn’t think he could bear to feel it. Not even after all this time. He had finally learned to accept the full weight of being loved, but never all at once. Instead, he had distributed that weight over time, careful never to sample more than he could manage at once. The love he had finally accepted from his family, from his friends, was almost more than he could bear to feel at times. But the way Felicity loved him, with uncompromising, blinding, unwavering faith and belief and trust, which over the years he had harnessed and exploited and worshipped and desecrated and devoured and sanctified - that love was the whole universe. And he wasn’t sure he was strong enough to take all of that love into his body at once and survive.

Felicity read the torment on his face and believed, finally, that he might be starting to understand. She knew he had never expected love to be easy - of course he didn’t - but she needed him to know that it was okay for it to be hard, almost unbearable. That in their complicated, perilous lives, it had to be. She allowed her eyes to soften very slightly so that he could see that, despite all that, she believed that love was more sweet than bitter. “Oliver.” She had increased the pace of their love-making so that its urgency seemed to match the intensity of her demand. “Promise me that you will always come back.”

Oliver felt his orgasm building, but it seemed secondary to the rising certainty that was overtaking him. Felicity had always been stronger than him, stronger than anyone, because of how she loved. He had marveled at that strength, but he had never truly believed himself capable of matching it. But she needed him to try. She needed him to feel all her love for him at once. She believed he was strong enough to feel it and survive, and he found, once again, that her belief in him provided the necessary fortification. He took a deep breath and let it all in.

Felicity saw it in his face, just before his eyes squeezed shut with his orgasm, and the full acceptance of just how much he meant to her was still there when he opened his eyes a moment later to watch her follow him over the edge. Gradually their bodies stilled, their heartbeats slowed, and they settled at last within a shared understanding of the profound truth of their love. She cupped his face again. “My greatest fear in life is losing you.”

He nodded solemnly, his eyes filled with knowing acceptance. “Yes.” 

“You are my always.” She shifted her gaze to her fingers as they smoothed away the tears that had been leaking from his eyes. 

Oliver nodded, unable to speak.

Felicity moved her fingers to his lips, staring at them a long moment before allowing her eyes to drift up and fix him with grave sincerity. “Promise me that you know.” Nod. “That I need you.” Nod. “That you will take every precaution.” Nod. “That you will never forget, for even a second….” 

Oliver nodded again, but Felicity’s longer pause alerted him to the fact that there was more to the thought. He waited, though he finally allowed himself to reach up to her face and brush the backs of his fingers against her cheeks, framing her, but lightly, waiting. 

“...That I need you to be safe.”

Oliver sucked in a hitching breath, surprised at how he could feel, in one instant, so many different facets of her love, that he could recall so many different ways he had relied upon it. 

She waited again, to be sure she had his undivided attention. “I need you to promise me that you will always come back.” It was a challenge.

Oliver wet his lips, knowing what she wanted from him, loving her deeply for it, and bracing himself to answer instead with the truth she needed to hear. “I can’t.” His voice broke on the words, even so.

Felicity sucked in a sudden breath and new tears sprang immediately to her eyes. She pinned him with intense blue eyes, commanding him to continue.

“I can’t promise you that,” he confessed in a cracked whisper. “I can’t promise you that I will always come back.” He was vaguely aware that hot, helpless tears were running down his face. “I can only promise,” he ran his hands into her hair, then down over her body, pressing his promise onto every inch of her skin, “that I will try.”

Felicity nodded as silent tears fell down her face, knowing she had needed him to say it, though she hadn’t been able to admit it, even to herself. 

“And I _will_ try. With everything in me.” His fingers had found her hands, and he took them and placed them on his chest, squeezed them into his body and into his heart. “No matter what, you will never lose me.” 

Felicity swallowed hard, then took a deep breath of the air that contained his promise. She let her fingers travel over his skin, experiencing the scars that served as a reminder of both his mortality and his resilience. “There’s not an inch of you that I wouldn’t protect with my life.” She felt his surprise in the jolt of his abs underneath her, heard it in the inarticulate sound that accompanied his sudden exhale. She looked up to see how it would manifest on his face.

Oliver’s mouth was open, and his eyes seemed ageless. “Felicity.” The words came to him effortlessly. “You are remarkable.” 

Of all the things she thought he might say in that moment, this was the least expected. She held his earnest gaze for a long moment, and then the absurdity of everything hit her with such force that she laughed. She screamed, she shrieked, and finally she sobbed with laughter, unable to control her sudden outburst even under the threat of waking William. 

Oliver, of course, though initially startled, was soon similarly caught up, and he wrapped his arms around her and pulled her into his chest, where she collapsed willingly. He pressed dozens of kisses into her hair, and he let his hands enjoy the amazing humanity of her body, and the fact of her presence in his life.

**Author's Note:**

> So yeah, this was a thing. I started writing this almost immediately after the episode because I had FEELINGS about it and I needed to express them. However, this is not at all the direction I'd thought it'd go, as my original intention was only to highlight the similarity between the final 6x19 scene with the "I'll come back." "Promise me." scene from 2x09. But then it got all heavy and serious and also unexpectedly smutty. And apparently I sort of write smut now? (Which is a good thing, although surprising as I've been trying and failing to write smut for almost 20 years.) 
> 
> Anyway, I'm sorry if this was a bit too much, or a bit not enough...it just is what came out of me after feeling ALL THE THINGS and I'm going to try to be unapologetic about that. Starting now. :) 
> 
> Please, please, pleeeease let me know your thoughts. I would honestly love to hear what you liked and what you didn't, to aid in my future projects.


End file.
